The second vogon poem from our Towel Day 2025 competition. The judges comment was “shorter than the first!”.

On driving northward on the M6 motorway between Walsall and Preston

Do you need a radiator in your bathroom?

No, really. Do you need a new radiator or any other appliances in your bathroom?

If you are driving northward on the M6 motorway between Walsall and Preston

There is a company desperately trying to sell you one

And also other unspecified plumbing products

With their endless advertising placards in farmers’ fields offering next day delivery

But I don’t think I need a radiator in my bathroom

Although the mixer tap on my bath has turned crap

But that’s really a job for B&Q or Screwfix or even the cheapskates’ parade at your local council-run recycling centre

You never know you might get lucky but you’ll probably end up leaving with a rowing machine that doesn’t quite work properly, oh well

And on the subject of bathrooms, there go Sandbach services and I should have stopped because I need the toilet.

— Alistair Coleman

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